The Fenitman Arms

64, Fentiman Rd SW8 1LA
Geronimo Inns: the gastro overlords of London. You don’t want to mess with them. Their gang of pubs are lurking everywhere, especially in the more decent and self-respecting communities of the capital. Easy pickings, see. They have venues stationed all over London on deserted street corners, ready to supply any unsuspecting passer-by with a quick hit of verve, sparkle or finesse. And the Fentiman Arms is one of its top henchmen.

Now clearly, there’s nothing illegal about the Fentiman Arms (that was just a metaphor), not unless it’s now against the law to make every man, woman and child who is pulled in by its force field a complete and utter satisfied customer. This is benevolent not malevolent brawn and it’s only a six hit over the boundary from The Oval’s middle stump; as long as Kevin Pietersen is batting.

The Fentiman hides its stoicism well. There you are, minding your own business, cluelessly wandering along Fentiman Street, not a care in the world, generally marveling at the quaintness of it all, when suddenly.....BAM, you’re sucked in by an overpowering lure of niceness. This ‘Arm’ of the ever-growing Geronimo empire is particularly muscular and it hides a stocky robustness within its tidy physique. Remember, the small ones are often the ones to watch out for. They pack an almighty delicious punch.

There’s classic Geronimo behaviour to be seen here. Firstly, the general managers; they must breed them at Geronimo HQ because although they all look very different, they share the common traits of extreme conviviality and a willingness to exploit the potentiality of their venue for the benefit of everyone else in the world (laurels are certainly not for resting on). Secondly, open shelves; they love em: the exclusive/inclusive expanse/cosiness they lend is peculiarly familiar throughout. Thirdly, the wine; a Master of Wine (no less) has selected a decent array straight from God’s own cellar, which includes the continually rewarding Infamous Goose Wild Rock Sauvignon from New Zealand.

You start this compartmentalised box of fun in what appears to be someone’s living room, complete with mid-battle board games and roaring open fire. It’s as though you’ve wandered in by mistake like Little Red Riding Hood and thus proceed to sit yourself down and help yourself to somebody else’s food, you teef! Only, it IS your food. The small, nee tiny, dining area at the rear separates you from the bar so as to not make it feel as though you’re eating under someone’s pint of Guinness.

Other fantastic appendages to the Fentiman’s arsenal: the garden, where picnic benches are painted with sunshine and where a full scale summer BBQ is guaranteed to break out at least three times a week; a versatile retro function room upstairs with private bar, loo and big TV where comedy, quiz or carve-your-own roast nights are available if you ask nicely; plus, benches out front for smokers and a menu that is dramatically tweaked weekly, meaning you dining habits will be somewhat on a par with your weekly dose of Lost.

Tip No.1: Yes, the standard menu is great and you wont be disappointed BUT there is a daily specials menu and they don’t call it ‘special’ for nothing. For example, the pork cheek, lentil and chorizo stew with buttered mash is both large and luscious.

Tip No.2: Opt for any starter that involves an ex-fish. Mackerel pate, smoked salmon.....No particular reason, it’s basically a flipping good way to start your meal.

Although it would appear that this establishment is mainly used by locals, it’s definitely a destination for all. If you reside anywhere south of, say, Derby, north of Bruge, west of Narnia and east of the Moon, you’ve really got no excuse for not visiting (this includes exams, weddings and personal injuries such as death).