Press Release Me, Let Me Know III

Here at Deep In The Joojoo HQ we – that’s me, my inner child and a World Cup winning footballer who has amnesia and has forgotten how to play - are all about facts. We love facts. We simply cant get enough of them. Which is why, despite the obvious sabbatical since the last instalment, ‘we’ bring a collection of fuel-injected death-ray factoids courtesy of the glut of useless emails we've received from those determined PR and marketeers of the world. Get on board the fact bus!

Shiver me timbers!

Forget Beijing, the real sporting event of the week takes place in Queenborough Harbour on Kent’s Isle of Sheppey aboard the Salty Sea Pig galleon – which is a boat. On Sunday 3rd August the world’s best will gather for the annual World Walking The Plank Championships. Organised by the fearsome Captain Cutlass - leader of the Sheppey Pirates - in order to raise funds for the RNLI lifeboat charity, the championship is open to all ‘plankers’ wishing to be hurled into the briny by sword-point as long as they can supply golden doubloons (£5) and be able to swim.

John “Long John” Lenton, a long-distance lorry driver (say that when our drunk) won the competitions in 2006 and 2007 when he dressed as a eight-foot parrot. He will not be competing this year, however, as he’s taking a break to get married. “My fiancé says I won’t be able to concentrate on the wedding if I am trying to win the plank walking championships,” he was quoted as saying.

In case you are interested, the judges grade the contestants out of ten on the following categories:
- Use of piratical language
- Originality of dress
- Execution of jump including the crucial height of after-splash
- Overall star quality known as the R (aargh) Factor.

This year’s winner will receive £100, a trophy and a case of Shepherd Neame Spitfire ale.

BYO everything

There’s big sandwich news of the week: according to Sainsburys, Tupperware sales are up 36% this year, as are sandwich bags by 25%.

The British Sandwich Association - who else can you trust? – claims the UK usually consumes roughly 2.7 billion sandwiches outside the home each year. But throw in a looming credit crunch and the possibility of a recession and suddenly homemade sarnies become a lucrative option. Ingredients for ‘fakeaways’ - homemade curry, Chinese and pizzas – are also on the rise with vindaloo curry paste burning up 33% more sales this year and plain poppadums getting dipped by half as much more as last year.

You was flirting with him, you was!!

Travel website Trivago has come up with a Summer survey that has thrown up a few cheery statistics, the most poignant of which is the fact that 60% of all British couples have a fight when they’re on holiday. Yep, of the 5300 vacationers surveyed nearly two-thirds admitted to having a row when they were supposed to be chillaxing. And the most common causes? The weather and food are responsible for around 16% of tiffs and deciding who is the boss accounts for 16%. Edging the hot topic for debate stakes is jealousy, though, with 17%.

The Spanish are the most aggressively jealous with 60% of their arguments starting from innocent flirtations. And it seems the further North you go the harmonious the less likely you'll quarrel: 62 percent of Swedish couples relax without any conflicts on their vacation. Bloody typical!

A bup-bup-boom

All hail, the United Kingdom of Great Britain has a new champion! MC Zani was recently crowned the UK’s best beat-boxer and in the doing so won the keys to a brand new Vauxhall Corsa SXI with 17” alloy wheels. Wicked!

Zani saw off mad skillz from fellow finalist, Reeps One, in front of the royal judges Beardyman, Shlomo, and Kila Kela.

Big Brother

Do you like being watched? Do you get off on having your every move under surveillance? Well, Alton Towers has got the ultimate souvenir for you. It’s imaginatively called YourDay and for a mere £19.99 you can reserve a DVD...of yourself. 100 RFID antennas, 36 cameras, 6km of data networking cable and 140 computer servers all synchronise to deliver a frightening account of all your queue waiting and scream-face antics throughout your special day at the theme park.

How’s it done? A clever wristband sends signals to Big Brother, alerting the system of your every move. Weird!

The UK greenest business

...is Marks & Spencers. Fact. According to the FOOTSIE 100 Green Winners and Green Washers Survey which polled the UK’s best sustainability experts, national and trade journalists and political groups.