Met Bar

Metropolitan Hotel, Old Park Lane W1K 1LB

What does your average Londoner yearn for in a modern drinking venue? Stylish surroundings? Flamboyant libations? A crowd that still has all its own teeth? Most people try to seek out that little hidden extra, that ingredient X. The trouble is Met Bar simply doesn’t have it. It’s all so very, very nice. The food is nice, the people are nice, the drinks are nice, the music is nice. The floor? That’s nice. The toilets? Yep, they’re nice. Everything is nice. Upon entering Met Bar you’re ‘met’ by a wall of niceness. Which isn’t always that nice, really.

This is a hotel bar right on Park Lane. That’s Mayfair, the most expensive property on a Monopoly board, so you’d expect a certain degree of élan. Plus, it’s right next door to Nobu so it’s bound to throw up big balls of panache just to keep up with the Joneses. It has a reputation for attracting the odd celebrity. The trouble is it goes on about it. It’s like one of those people that hark on about ‘the time they met Mick Jagger’. Well whoopee doo. Those years are well gone my ailing friend, change the tune will ya! Personally, I’ve been to Met Bar twice and I’ve spotted a grand total of one celebrity. And even that was only Carl Fogerty. Yeh exactly, WHO??! Kylie, Kate and the Kings of Leon have apparently all visited, but they were probably staying at the hotel at the time and couldn’t be bothered to leave the premises.

Do you think when Neil Armstrong took that giant leap for mankind he might’ve been thinking, “It’s a bit empty out here. Not to mention uninhabited. But by golly it’s beautiful.” Well, welcome to Met Bar, Mr Armstrong. Great to look at but totally rigamortis dead. There was more atmosphere on the surface of Mars than there was on the Friday evening we went. Allegedly, it gets thumping around 11pm so if you are intending on going, make it a late one.

The clientele are a mixed bunch of people - mostly well dressed, some young, some old, some who are old but have stretched themselves young. Musically, the immediate vibe is of the cheddar, brie or Red Leicester variety. An odd mix of house, electro, rock, hiphop and 80's classics. We heard Prefab Sprout, The Cure, Van Halen and The Kaiser Chiefs all in the same night. It’s difficult to know whether that’s good or bad.

The Met Bar is small and the decor is bright and unobtrusive. There’s red leather booths for the luxury hogs, bar stools for the practiced drinkers, and plenty of mirrored walls for the egomaniacs. And that’s about it. It lacks its own entrance and there is no discernible sign so you find yourself asking the question “Am I in the right place and is this leading to somewhere happening?”

On the plus side.....the food is delightfully appertising and the cocktail list is expensive yet reassuringly extensive. Regarding the former, the vegetable tempura is possible the best in London and it’s accompanied by London’s saltiest soya sauce, too. The addition of the new Midnight Menu negates the need to stumble out of a taxi towards your local kebab house at 2am as there’s Kentish Salt Marsh lamb kebab with sweet pepper tabbouleh, edamame and hummus on offer at The Met. Plus, the tiny individual jars of hot english mustard and ketchup left on your table make perfect souvenirs (in the bag they go!).

Regarding the drinks, the bar is backed by three shelves, EACH with around forty bottles on them. By my calculations that means they have exactly what you’re looking for. Although Met is ostensibly known for its martinis, the nice man behind the bar reassures that rum and tequila are making a comeback and as such a new menu will be out in 2009 to evoke your memories. The Polish vodka and liqueur ‘Honey Dew’ is a winner, as is the as-yet-unnamed bourbon drink made with liquified palm sugar and aged sake.

Overall, without the food and drink, it’s high time you reached for the cord with ‘Get Me The Hell Out Of Here And Make It Snappy’ written on it.

The Eagle

215 Askew Road, Shepherd’s Bush W12 9AZ

Open up the door to your imagination and realise the inevitability of the future. Picture a place not too dissimilar to Islington, Clapham or Westbourne Park where young, culturally-developed people whittle away Sunday afternoons at their local, yawning, stretching, gorging on gastro grub and generally spilling a variety of well-known beers across their broadsheets. This is Geronimo Inns’ futuristic vision of Ravenscourt Park, hence the addition of pub number 22 to their portfolio. These chaps are well versed in the dark arts of the publican. In 2007 they won the Evening Standard Pub of the Year award with Mile End’s Morgan Arms, plus they were gifted the Catey Pub and Bar award in 2008.

The Eagle is instantly recognisable as a Geronimo fledgeling and were it not so trite one might be inclined to say something like ‘The Eagle has landed’ at this juncture. For a start, there’s bookshelves everywhere. They’re all over the shop, dormantly laden with both real and faux reading material. This is common practice with Geronimo and The Eagle has all the usual markings: hulking wine list; separate dining area; objet d’art scattered throughout; and a healthy obsession with stylish lampshades, modern art, Chesterfield armchairs and mirrors which exude the allusion of expanse (not that The Eagle needs it). Added to these are the uniquely-Eagle accoutrements: an open coal fire; a head full of wifi; and a plasma TV NOT connected to Sky and therefore mostly, and so thankfully, turned off.

The overall atmosphere is as laid-back as a pride of lions in slacks. The entrance side is more inclined towards large scale banter, the far side near the men’s loos conducive to secluded board games and intimate liaisons. The designers obviously had a long, drawn-out autumnal encounter with the Dulux dog as the colour scheme is both warm and subtle. Think obstinate ochre, purposeful pea green, tactful taupe, and melancholy mud.

To quench the palate there’s a big man’s-handful of beers on tap and a wine list that goes the whole nine yards. In fact, it’s gone the whole nine yards and then done a lap of honour just for good measure with its creator, John Clevely, doing a jig along the way. He’s a Master of Wine, you know, and they’re the Jedis of the wine world: rare and omniscient.

Towards the rear is the restaurant where traditional British comfort food of the ‘chorizo, black pudding & quails egg salad’ school of thought is served. Here you’ll discover an anorexic menu that is really, really, really, really, really, really.....average. Really. Which is unusual for Geronimo. They are the Lewis Hamilton of pub dining but at The Eagle they’ve started off in pole position then careened round the first corner, clunked a wing and ended up fastly approaching a brick wall head-first.

There are many websites on the t’internet that actively encourage the use of the word ‘moist’ but Fluidfoundation isn’t one of them. Not when we’re talking about food, that is. The mash is wet. The crab on toast is damp. The lamb with anchovy relish is stodgy. The deep-fried mushrooms are clammy. The sea bass with fennel puree is soggy, but then that should be. Potatoes? Mum could’ve done better. Greens? Veer very much on the yellow side of green. The desserts therefore trump the ‘which course is best’ competition, especially with the hazelnut and muscavado tart. So far, so decidedly ordinary.

But wait for the pièce de résistance, the masterpiece of merriment, the grace that doth save: the garden. If this were a visit to the movies, everything thus far would just be trailers. Once you step into the quiet, Alice In Wonderland garden you’re now experiencing the main feature. This garden has private function written all over it. You may feel the urge to ‘perambulate’ along the new paving, in an old-fashioned sort of way, passing the pillar-like trees, the sturdy granite alfresco-dining tables and the outdoor summer bar. The tidy lawn begs for a croquet set and the caste iron street lamps add antiquity to its edges. On ye go to the swinging picnic benches, amusingly shaped like a train set.

Ravenscourt, Ravenscourt, come in Ravenscourt. Hello, is anyone out there?!! No, not yet. So for now The Eagle will have to make do with locals and nearby media offices for custom. It’s such a LONG way from anything that looks remotely like public transport.
In essence, extraordinary garden: check. Quick and courteous service: check. Inspiring interior: check. Adequate gastro fuel: check. Mediocre, middle-of-bleeding-nowhere location: check. A future left waiting for the world to catch up: most definitely.

Fence

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence.

Satay House

13 Sale Place, Paddington W2 1PX

As you step from the quiet Paddington street and in through the door of Satay House you’d be forgiven for thinking you’d entered the wrong door. This is THE Satay House? The Malaysian dining experience to the stars? Where Malays come for Malaysian food? Where stars as famous as Jimmy Choo, Don Johnson and Michelle Yeoh are reputed to have eaten, as well as Malaysian royalty? But it’s more like a bathroom showroom! Surely there’s been some kind of mistake. It seems they’ve poo-poo’d the idea of a reception area or welcoming desk as you’re immediately stood right in someone’s dinner. The acoustics are ideal; for screaming babies that is - hard floors and hard ceilings, eeek - and the decor isn’t too spicy either. Apparently there was a refurb back in 2006 but a bit of soft lighting, a few hibiscus flowers stenciled on the walls, and some newly-upholstered leather doesn’t maketh the giant it claims to be. So you ask yourself why you came here in the first place. What is it that attracts them? Then you notice the staff turning customers away at the door as they’re fully booked. You decide to stay and call their bluff.

You’ve heard the only way to choose a starter is to go for the one the restaurant is named after, so you opt for six skewers of tender chicken and lamb served with a peanut sauce, cucumber and rice cubes. So far, so satay.

Moving onto the main you’ve heard that things must be done in the right order. You don’t want to be spoiling your sweet tomato lush lamb stuff (Mutton Mysore) by then having the frankly-not-up-to-scratch deep fried chicken (Ayam Goreng Bawang Putih) so you leave it till last. It’s probably for the best. In fact, you skip the fried chicken altogether and say hello to the unmistakably-fragrant whole mackerel in tamarind sauce (Ikan Panggang). You crack her open, squeeze on a bit of lemon and job done. You supplement this with a small, repeat SMALL, portion of rice and a small, repeat SMALL, serving of stir fried choi sum in oyster sauce and chilli (Sawi Goreng) just so your five-a-day are covered. Things are looking up.

Next, you move onto the aromatic prawn dish (Udang Galah Goreng Berempah) and discover it’s got a yummy after bite. Suddenly, phrases like ‘top notch’ and ‘flippin marvelous’ seem redundant and you aim to start comprising a brand new dictionary first thing Monday morning. Overall, jobs a goodun.

But wait, the young, affable waiter is trying to ply you with desserts. Thank goodness you went small on the rice. A tall knickerbocker glory monstrosity approaches you. It’s the Ais Kacang (sweet red beans, creamed sweet corn, shaved ice, red syrup and evaporated milk). It’s refreshing after that spicy, but not too spicy, mountain you just munched through and you say ‘WOW’ in appreciation. Had it been chilly outside you would’ve gone for the Bubur Pulut Hitam hot purple glop with coconut milk and black rice because that’s what gets results, you’ve heard.

Satay House is a tiny establishment and the additional seating in the basement is much needed (although the distracting TV isn’t). This family business does everything the bigger boys do, almost. Aside from not having a tasting menu (shame), in an all-out taste race between Satay House and Kensington’s Awana, the sprint gold would be a photo finish. If it were the dressage event, however, Satay House would be going home with silver.
If you’re slepping around zone 1 looking for somewhere to eat, don’t bother just turning up! BOOK before you go! People get turned away and there are hour-long waits. One big birthday party downstairs and the whole kit and kaboodle is messed up.

Overall, it’s a bit like Amy Winehouse: not much to look at, but hidden qualities definitely lie within.

Eight Great London Art Collections

Whilst The National, Tate Britain and the V&A might have the international notoriety, there are still many more historical art collections in London to get excited about.

Kenwood House
Kenwood House is the complete package: big name collection, architecturally marvelous and blessed with a killer view of the metropolis. The Scottish neoclassicist, Robert Adam, redesigned this quiet suburban villa in the 18th century and thanks to him it’s been featured in many a movie (Notting Hill, 101 Dalmations). Vermeers, Rembrandts, Turners and Gainsboroughs battle for supremacy indoors but the vibrant red colour scheme of the Great Room surely deserves the biggest “wow”. The picturesque lakeside parklands pull a few surprises too: Henry Moore and Barbara Hepworth sculptures alongside the odd real-life artist utilizing the inspiring scenery. A stroll is therefore mandatory. The meals at the courtyard Brew House cafe are clearly popular, the locals come by the dozen. But don’t fret, it doesn’t get too busy, even on weekends. Leave the rental car at home, though, as parking is limited. Overall, a couple of hours well spent in the AM, leaving the PM for meandering around the trendy Hampstead area. Well done The English Heritage for doing such a good job of maintaining it.
www.english-heritage.org.uk

The Wallace Collection
This is one of London’s best kept secrets, so let’s keep it that way. Not unlike The National Gallery, but thankfully without the throng of humanity. 28 rooms and 5,500 objects, far too much to be seen in just one go; so plan for a second visit and be sure to take advantage of the free tours that occur almost daily. The overall feeling is French: sculptures, Boulle furniture, Sèvres porcelain, and oodles of French 17th and 18th century objets d'art. Added to these are a variety of temporary exhibitions, medieval and Renaissance armor (some of which you can try on) and resident paintings by Velàzquez, Reynolds, Delacroix and van Dyck (dont miss ‘The Laughing Cavalier’ by Hals). £10m was spent on this Edwardian mansion in recent years. The result? New galleries AND a new restaurant. Overseen by Oliver Peyton—who also runs the dining experiences at The National, The ICA and Fulham Palace—The Wallace Restaurant is dramatically lit by a spectacular glass atrium. The menu is understandably French and the service can be a bit hit-and-miss.

www.wallacecollection.org

Estorick Collection
This is the UK’s only museum dedicated solely to Italian art. Housed in a grade II listed restored Georgian villa, this collection of Italian paintings, drawings, etchings and sculpture is small, very niche and of limited range. Six galleries contain some temporary exhibits but the nucleus of the permanent work rests with the early 20th century Futurists Balla, Boccioni, Carrá, Serverini and Russolo. There are works by other artist that’re worth a peak; especially Modigliani’s famous "Retrato del doctor François Brabander’ portrait. If you’re an Italo-art nut then the art library is probably worth checking out (by appointment only though), but if your interests are more broad then the bookshop is a leisurely diversion. So too is the landscaped garden cafe which during the summer is perfect for those alfresco lunches. If the weather is less clement, head to The Marquess Tavern which is round the corner on Canonbury Street. The Marquess is constantly found lurking around those ‘Gastropub of the Year’ lists and is reputed to serve the best roast beef in the whole of the UK.
www.estorickcollection.com

Dulwich Picture Gallery
A large and venerable collection of 17th and 18th century European masters. So if you like Rembrandt, Murillo, Poussin, Watteau, Canaletto, Rubens, Van Dyck, Cuyp, Gainsborough, Raphael, Reynolds or Hogarth, prepare to be happy. The famous Victorian architect, Sir John Soanes, designed it and it was the first purpose-built public art gallery in the world. There are a handful of temporary exhibits each year but these are scant due to the permanent collection’s prolificness. It’s not far from the the vibrant up-and-coming Dulwich village and there’s a handful of quality eateries close by; like the modern European Beauberry House or the high-end Rosendale gastropub. The gallery cafe menu is a tad flavorless and probably only good for lighter lunches and chocolate cake. As the gallery is only a half-hour stroll through Dulwich Park, combine your visit with a trip to the Horniman Museum. Alternatively, try visiting on the evening of the third Thursday in the month as it stays open late especially for films, music, art activities and curatorial talks based around a central theme. Their snazzy new website is very useful, too.
www.dulwichpicturegallery.org.uk

The Fleming Collection
Probably the most worthy collection of Scottish art outside of Scotland itself. This is like a visit to the National Gallery of Scotland without the longhaul flight to Edinburgh. Scottish artists are notoriously overlooked in all of London’s major galleries and the Fleming Collection attempts to redress the balance. Originally a private corporate collection dating back over 40 years, The Fleming went public in 2002. Its oils, watercolours and sculptures date back from the late 1700s right up to the present day and include a substantial gathering of the Glasgow Boys—such as George Henry and John Lavery, the Scottish Colourists—Samuel John Peploe and Francis Campbell Boileau Cadell, and the Edinburgh School—William Gillies and Sir William McTaggart. In addition to the continual showcases, the museum holds up to four Scottish-themed temporary exhibits every year. What’s especially worth knowing, too, is that the American-style brasserie, Automat, is only a few hundreds metres around the corner.
www.flemingcollection.co.uk

The De Morgan
Unless you’re specifically a fan of the De Morgans—William and Evelyn—this might be too much of a trek. As it’s in Wandsworth, which is south west London proper, you might need a secondary reason for venturing so far: the Michelin star restaurant, Chez Bruce, on Wandsworth Common would suffice. The De Morgan Centre for the Study of 19th Century Art and Society, to give it its full name, has been open since 2002 and permanently shows works by the Victorian couple; aside from the very occasional programme of contemporary designers. His ceramics have been seen in the British Museum and the V&A, her paintings are obsessesed with colour. Enough to lure you? Well, the building itself is a former reference library built in celebration of Queen Victoria’s jubilee and has a particularly interesting wooden ceiling wich is worth noting. It’s also only open four days a week so check before travelling.
www.demorgan.org.uk

The Queen’s Gallery
This is the ultimate Nosey Nelly experience. 9000 pieces comprise the entire Royal Collection and yet The Queen’s Gallery can only hold about 400 of those. The problem, how to select from 500 years of collecting when the display venue is so tiny? The answer is twofold: high rotation and themed exhibits. The former is shared with locations such as Windsor Castle and Clarence House whilst the latter is usually guest-curated; recently Sir David Attenborough gathered works involving the world of nature. Some might feel a bit chagrined at paying the sizable entrance fee for seeing only part of the wider collection but what you’re buying into here is a wealth of quality and serious depth. Paintings, ceramics, furniture, sculpture, jewelry, drawings and a particularly fondness for the Old Masters. Plus, it’s worth noting the gallery was given a £20m expansion in 2002 which beefed up the square footage so there should be plenty to nose around. The Royal Mews next door are also fully operational and thus offer an interesting appendage.
www.royalcollection.org.uk

Somerset House
This one is a bit of a cheat as it’s actually two separate collections in one; a one-stop shop for museum lovers. Positioned poetically between the calm waters of the Thames and the hustle and bustle of London’s famous Strand, this grand palatial Neoclassic building should keep everyone interested. The first, and possibly most famous, stop-off is the Courtauld Institute of Art Gallery which includes impressionists like Monet and Gauguin as well as 20th century icons such as Matisse. It also boasts Van Gogh’s ‘Self Portrait with Bandaged Ear’. Just across the fabulous courtyard and beneath the vaulted arches is the new (April 08) 750m² Embankment Galleries which hopes to bring a contemporary flavour to the equation with subject matter ranging from fashion and design to photography and architecture.
www.somersethouse.org.uk